Rants's Blog

I think I mentioned in my previous post that my best friend was a woman. She is married as am I. I have come to the conclusion that my friendship with her is negatively affecting my relationship with my wife. I am more open, honest, etc. with my friend than my wife and it provides a "female" view that I would otherwise get from my wife. Today, I did the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I told my best friend that I did not want to see her or talk to her again. I did this via email because if I talk to or see her, I will not be able to stay firm in this commitment. I have yet to hear back from her so I don't know what that will bring. Our lives have been very intertwined over the last 5 or so years and I've spent more time with her than anyone (including my family) over that period of time. It sucks. It wouldn't be a problem if she weren't, well, a "she." I love my friend deeply (probably too deeply) and I feel really lost about this move. Only time will tell if it is the right thing or a mistake. In the meantime, I just flounder here....

What the hell? I am now writing a BLOG? Considering I didn't even know what a BLOG was until about a year ago, I guess it is okay. But considering I've been retired from the networking/technology industry for 6 years and left at age 38, what the hell else do I have to do? I am 44 years old now and live in Austin, Texas. I moved here from New England because I was convinced that, after retirement, I could come down here and become a "scratch" golfer due to being able to play all year long. Soon after (maybe 4 weeks), I realized that perhaps breaking 100 might be a more realistic goal but crap... 100? I might as well quit golf and do something else! That, I did. I decided that anyone, regardless of age could become a professional cyclist. I mean I'm living in Austin and people literally worship these 17 pound scraps of metal/carbon/aluminum/tit anium. Training was a bitch! at 40 years old, riding a bicycle up and down hills for 25 hours a week is a bit much. I did it anyway and said to hell with health, if I work hard enough, I'll perservere! I rode (not professionally) much of the Tour de France, Tour of Flanders, Paris-Roubaix, Tour of Spain routes which, in hindsight, was a reasonable accomplishment. I kept pushing. Pushing through full adrenal shutdown!!! After two years of balls-out cycling, I was walking with a cane and looked like my grandfather (he's been dead for several years too!) I guess I'm not as smart as I thought I was because I began to train about as soon as I could walk again. Hired a new coach (always pro level coaches because they would "somehow" fix me) and took off again. Long story short, a year after that, I said "fuck it". I had the shakes like Parkinson's disease and hurt in every joint and muscle. NOw, I'm a freaking couch potato. I've been challenged by a friend who works for the Lance Armstrong Foundation to ride next week! Oh crap. I can't say "no" but I'm not ready for this. Will I survive? I'll know after the ride I guess. Well, enough for an inaugural post. I've got to save something for later or it, by definition would not be a "BLOG". I don't know what is left though so I'll try hard over the next few weeks to come up with some new adventures. Oh, and to my good friend Nancy... the April Fools think was seriouslly a joke!!! I just wanted to get you good. I hope you aren't pissed!!!! :) Later